Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

When a man gives a woman oral sex, how high are the chances of contracting HIV? My new boyfriend always wears condoms and is scared of unprotected oral sex because of HIV. Is his worry valid? Thanks for your help.

Answer

How fortunate you are to have a boyfriend who is conscientious and consistent about using condoms--a sign of real caring. While transmission of the HIV virus from all sexual activity is less likely from females to males and the risk of transmission from oral sex considered to be very low, it is still possible if either partner is infected.

Does that mean you have to give up oral sex forever? A loud NO! If you and your partner plan on being mutually sexually exclusive and have an alternate method of birth control, each of you should have AIDS tests. Should both of you prove to be negative twice, with six months between tests, given what we now know, you would probably be safe to stop using condoms, as well as enjoy unprotected oral sex.

While you are waiting for the results, or if either of you cannot guarantee absolute fidelity, you don't have to forego the oral stimulation you crave. Take a little shopping trip to a dental/medical supply shop and buy some dental dams. These thin squares of silky latex rubber are just the right size for covering the vulva.

They offer significant protection while affording maximum sensual pleasure. And remember to keep those condoms covering his essentials until those tests arrive..

03/18/98

Dr. Al Cooper, clinical director at the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre (408-248-9737), runs the training program for Counseling and Psychological Services at Stanford University. Dr. Cooper is internationally known for his work in sexuality and is freqently interviewed by the media. He currently writes a column in Men's Health Magazine.

Dr. Coralie Scherer coordinates online services for the Centre and specializes in sexual trauma, women's issues, and marital therapy.