Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

How does a woman know when she is having an orgasm?

Answer

Women's orgasmic pleasure can vary from mild to intense. There is a gradual build up of tension from 1.) arousal to 2.) increased tension to 3.) the release of that tension 4.) culminating in orgasm. During orgasm the muscles of the vagina, anal region and uterus contract providing waves of pleasurable feeling. Some women groan or cry out expressing pleasure through sound during the release of the built up tension. It's not uncommon for some women to laugh or cry after orgasm.

If the contractions are mild or brief you might question if you really experienced an orgasm. Some texts cite only 4 to 6 contractions for young women which lessen in number with the aging process. This number seems low to me, but obviously varies from woman to woman.

You can teach your partner to slow down in order to allow the tension to mount so you'll have a stronger orgasm. You might find it helpful to masturbate to orgasm so you'll learn what to expect. Most people have stronger orgasms when they masturbate. I recommend Lonnie Barbach's book, For Ourselves, which gives instructions on how to bring yourself to orgasm.

06/09/99