Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

My girlfriend told me that the use of a condom -- thin, ribbed, lubricated, etc. either lessens the sensation or, even worse, irritates her. What should we try?

Answer

It seems like there are two parts to your question, one about what sensations can a woman expect during intercourse, and the other about discomfort with condoms.

Both men and women complain of decreased sensation when using condoms, or as the old saying goes, "doing it in a raincoat." Part of the reason may be psychological -- just knowing there is a "barrier there" sets an expectation of disappointment in some individuals and/or couples.

F>or some women the expectation of what an erect penis or ejaculation should feel like just doesn't fit with the realities of female anatomy. There are just more nerve endings at the opening of the vagina than deeper in. That makes feedback less precise in the outback than at the input. Check out a previous question & answer for a fuller explanation.

On the more physical level, some people have a sensitivity to latex which can escalate from irritation to a full-blown allergy. This needs to be checked out with an allergist -- the sooner the better -- because a true latex allergy can be a serious condition. Then you two will need to explore some alternate methods of contraception.

Also, many women find nonoxynol 9 (the most common spermicide) irritating and, you guessed it, that's the stuff found on most lubricated condoms.

However, another possibility is that your partner is not lubricating enough and the friction of the dry condom in a relatively dry vagina is distracting her from the pleasure of the encounter. Taking more time to play at foreplay or adding a good water-based personal lubricant to the fun -- remember that oil and condoms don't mix -- could have you both more relaxed and really enjoying sex-in-a-raincoat.

03/18/98

Dr. Al Cooper, clinical director at the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre (408-248-9737), runs the training program for Counseling and Psychological Services at Stanford University. Dr. Cooper is internationally known for his work in sexuality and is freqently interviewed by the media. He currently writes a column in Men's Health Magazine.

Dr. Coralie Scherer coordinates online services for the Centre and specializes in sexual trauma, women's issues, and marital therapy.