QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
Dreams Department

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Question

My husband and I have noticed that our son, Billie, (4 years old) is having more nightmares in the last few months. We heard on T.V. that this might mean his babysitters or caretakers are abusing him, but we are the only caretakers. Is there a need for concern?

Answer

You are prudent and intelligent to check out all his caretakers as a general part of concerned parenting. But occasional nightmares are a part of the routine dreaming process of children and adults who recall dreams. Nightmares are especially common for children between the ages of three and six, and usually are about getting harmed or losing loved ones close to the child. They will occur often after punishment and that's why its good to check out caretakers.

But there are a number of possibilities. Some nightmares can be caused by certain drugs or medications, or by rapid withdrawal from them, or by physical conditions such as illness and fever.

Generally, age three to five is the time when new boundaries and dangers in waking life are present and these can be reflected in dreams. Also make note of what Television Programs you child watches.

Occasional nightmares used to be handled by parents simply telling the children "Don't worry, its just a dream.". However, this only isolates the child with his or her worries. The contemporary parental approach is to conduct a gentle interview with the child, asking simple description questions, (What is that monster doing? What does he look like?), showing curiosity and receiving the child's dream as if it were a wonderful story.

Most children love to tell their dreams once encouraged. Some prefer to draw the dream. The most popular way is to have the child draw the fear or monster, then have the child draw something that will protect himself/herself from the monster/fear. Left alone, children will often draw guns and kill the monster, a reflection of what is taught by our society. But alternatives can be suggested, such as cages and magic circles. This gives the child a chance to play with the fears, befriend the monsters and feel in control again of the situation. It is very frustrating when our children are frightened, but by teaching them simple skills of creative mastery, these times can become significant moments.

Persistent and repetitive nightmares are another matter and may require the attention of a professional.

See Reference section for book suggestions by the Association for the Study of Dreams.

2/19/98

Richard Wilkerson is general editor for The Internet Dream E-zine, Electric Dreams, and director of DreamGate, the Internet Communications and Dream Education Center. He writes the Cyberphile column for the Association for the Study of Dreams Newsletter.