You are so anxious that overeating doesn't always work. You are anxious before, during and after compulsive overeating. You can't eat enough to stop this anxiety. You are losing your temper more often and more explosively. You feel you may be a menace driving. You attack yourself in your mind and call yourself terrible names. You want to sink into oblivion, and you can't find a way.

So you call agencies. You answer ads. You surf the net. You e-mail clinicians. You talk to people who attend Overeaters Anonymous Meetings. You are desperate enough to push yourself more deeply into what may be the right healing environment for you.

At this time it may seem that none of your coping mechanisms are working. Something else is required. We all can and do wear out our defense systems. In fact, that's usually when people seek therapy -- when their defense systems just plain break down. Then when therapy starts, the real issues can begin to come forth.

At that time, (now, for you) the person thinks they are in a crisis, and they usually are. But please remember, crisis means danger and opportunity together and simultaneously.

The compulsive eating, the Prozac, and whatever else you have been doing/using can only go so far. Depression is also part of the defense system -- trying to shut you down. When you start to feel more it means that even the depression is weakening, and you need to do something to help yourself.

You have a lot to live for and to live well for. I and others in the healing community will and do applaud your reaching out to find a way to be more healthy and present for your life. You are opening to the possibility of real self discovery and growth. I wish you well.

You are doing a great thing for yourself and those you love. Moving toward personal health and honest self awareness can only be a benefit to you and the people you care about. Your unbearable pain is your first guide to true recovery.

10/09/98

Joanna Poppink, M.F.C.C., licensed by the State of California in 1980, is a Marriage, Family, Child Counselor (License #15563). She has a private practice in Los Angeles where she works with adult individuals and couples. She specializes in working with people with eating disorders and with people who are trying to understand and help a loved on who has an eating disorder. Contact Information: 10573 West Pico Blvd. Suite 20 Los Angeles, CA 90064 (310) 474-4165 phone (310) 474-7248 fax